Do you think this is a double standard?

Ok so i went out with this guy for 2 years (i finally got the courage to break it off). Before him i was in a physically abusive relationship so i was scared to be alone and allowed him to blackmail me in2 a relationship with him and put up with him cheating, trying to see the girls as 'friends' for 6 months, always talking about how beautiful she and his ex loves were, always pointing out 'beautiful', saying i was too big, bum too big (usually an asset to me from what other guys said. i was only 120lbs and 5'3)...put me down in front of friends, cancel a nite with me to go out with his boys...which i allowed...but then ended up at random girls parties, or other girls would go out with them. wanting to go on a date with his friend, and that guys 'love interest' and also one of her friends (i wasnt allowed to go as 5 an odd number). would smoke pot (quit now) and not reply to me for days on end (after we together for 1 year), gave me 'time limits of when i could be at his house when his friend came to live. ie, cut down from every night to 3 nites/week)...would say 'i one day may meet a girl who loves music just like me and mite like her and have to decide to leave you'...talk about going away for months with no thought of me...say i was too quiet, then when i tried to become less shy and quiet he would treat me like i was an idiot in front of his friends.



ok so thats the history...for about 6 months he has been 'better' ie doesnt smoke pot etc. doesnt seem AS controlling, but still he gets mad saying i need to 'get over the stuff from the past because he would'...if we fight he will go out clubbing and not give me a 2nd thought...he is 27 btw...he regularly goes out clubbing 2-3 times a week now...which i figured i have to try get over. FACT IS he wont give me security. i jst want to know (consideribg the past) that he is just out with his mates and not chatting up random girls...he only says 'dont worry about it.' and thats it. wont deny chatting girls up and wont confirm. (i have heard 'dont wory about it before then he cheated). all i want is security by him being direct saying he isnt chatting them up/ dancing with them but he expects i should just have this 'trust' which i find hard. i didnt care when he went out occassionally but now its more and more...



double standard is- he doesnt like it when i say i am going clubbing or he thinks i am out clubbing (which i dont do much and i have never cheated). He even HATES it when i go to a friends house and her bf/bfs friends are there! thats not even a sleazy place! do you think its a double standard that i should get over him going clubbing because 'its his outlet' yet he doesnt like the thought of me doing it?!Do you think this is a double standard?
Well of course it is a double standard. The question is what are you going to do about it. If you think you can make him less controlling over time you are very wrong. He will get worse and expect you to fall into line with his wishes while he does what he wants regardless of you. Draw the line, tell him what you want from a relationship and if he can't do it, move on! Don't try to ';get over'; it. It will only get worse. Don't waste your time, you only live once. You deserve better than him!



He says those things to control you. If he is exasperated and maintains that he has done all the right things like listening and understand then he causes you to doubt yourself. As long as you doubt your position he can keep controlling you. It sounds to me like you are headed for an abusive relationship if you stick with this one. These guys DO NOT change!!!! This is how he is and the more you give in to his unreasonable way of structuring things the more he will want. Your gut feeling is that something is terribly wrong. You are absolutely right. WARNING! He will not go easily. Breaking up with him will be a trial in itself. He will try to keep control by either being more abusive or promising you the earth, he will tell you that he will change and that he sees now how wrong he was and won't ever do it again. Don't be fooled, he just wants to keep you under his control. You can give him another chance is you like but be absolutely firm that if he behaves in a controlling way again it is over for good! Get the support of some friends to help you through this, even your parents. You will need lots of moral and maybe even physicial support but get out while you can!Do you think this is a double standard?
I don't understand why you are still in a relationship with this guy.
Dump him, seriously.

Theres no point.
What exactly has this got to do with 'languages'?...try posting it in 'relationships'.
When you truly love someone the last thing you want to do is hurt them so much. You have experienced a turmoil that should not be experienced in a loving relationship, based on just spending time together. One human being does not have the right to control another or stop them from feeling real happiness inside. Your boyfriend sounds like he is controlling in nature as well as mind numbing.



Become strong as a single person and then you will find a partner with a stronger love for you.
Seriously dump him. He's keeping you from having Mr. Right and more importantly from finding yourself. Think of all the drama from him out of your life. Sure you won't have a boyfriend for a little while but in order to get a real man you need to be confident and comfortable with standing on your own. So he throws double standards your way. So dodge them and move on. He sounds like an utter waste of space and that is just by trying to drag you down.